I lost my mother, also my best friend, at the age of 24 on June 12, 2012. It's unfair, but it's a fact that life's not fair. I can be thankful I had her for 24 amazing years. My mom was the rock of our family, as many mothers are in other families. She was a person who just radiated with love. She was nice to everyone, knew how to forgive without a second thought, and gave herself fully to those around her, not just her family. She was definitely the most selfless person I know. She made people feel comfortable and appreciated, and opened our home to anyone and everyone. She might've left too soon in our eyes, but that's not up to us. I know she left knowing we would be okay and that we had each other.
I'm blessed to have what we do. I now remain the only girl in our family, with three amazing guys at my side. I have a father who loves us all so unconditionally, who wants the best for us and wants to give us more than he had. I have two little brothers who are probably the best little brothers anyone could ask for. I know that's said a lot, but really, I wouldn't trade 'em for the world. They're so sweet in their own ways. I have grandparents and aunts and uncles, along with much more family and friends, who I'm truly thankful to have. I am blessed with the family I was born into.
Though I lost a loved in 2012, I gained a loved one. A special person came into my life not long before it happened and I wouldn't have made it through the toughest time of my life without him. He didn't have to do what he did, but just as my mother was selfless, so was he in giving his life to help me and get mine back together. I owe him everything. He's made me a better person as my mother did, and I couldn't be more happy with our life and what he's done for me.
It's been nearly 9 months since I lost her, and I've come to realize this is going to be a life long journey. It's amazing how a person can make you yourself a better person, and its upsetting to lose that person. Sometimes I feel lost without her and as if I'm not doing the right thing. I know I'm not being as good as I could be, and I know I make one too many mistakes. However, I have hope with the support I have that I'll make it and learn to be a good person without her here physically, cause deep down I know she'll always be here with me. I'm going to miss her when I get married, when I have kids, the next time I get a haircut and want to show her... always and every day for the rest of my life.
I may not be in a position to give advice, I know I should take my own. What I'm about to say is said all the time, but I couldn't mean it more when I say...
Love hard, especially those who love you
Embrace forgiveness, you don't want bitter feelings eating at you forever
Don't take anything for granted
Cherish every single moment, as you could be gone in the next
Last but not least, everything happens for a reason. I always thought so, but really, it does.
Always remember those. It all comes down to love and everything it entails. Love others, love yourself, act with love. To those of you who have been here for me forever and especially through the past year, thank you.
My beautiful mother in high school:
When my mom surprised me in Kotzebue to support me as I ran for Miss Arctic Circle:
The angel that sits at the spot she laid to rest:
Our family and loved ones at her Unalakleet service: